Not exactly sure when it started but I had to have been 10/11 years old a friend of my mom’s had brought me to bible school at Kenansville Baptist Church and New Faith Church in Hollow Paw.
I had known a little about the Lord didn’t even know he died for us. I can’t say I know everything about the Lord cause God knows I slack more than I need too. I learned a lot. I still have a lot more to do. I learned of God’s love and forgiveness. I still didn’t really understand how someone can find so much love in their heart to die on the cross for us.
I kept going to bible school at New Faith Church till I was 14 and still go here and there and even went on Sundays. Over the years I struggled with feeling like I belonged and was loved, like nothing I ever said or did was good enough. When I was 13/14 I went to drinking, vaping, cussing, and wearing clothing I shouldn’t have.
And 15 I started having sexual acts with boys. I had gotten to a point where I was just numb and wish and prayed for God to take me. I would’ve rather been in hell then be here. My parents fought a lot, and I heard and seen things I probably shouldn’t have been a part of. I didn’t know if I even really believe in God.
I met a lot of people that didn’t exactly have my best interest at heart. I’ve been threated, called names, been told I was not worthy of love and made to me feel completely uncomfortable with my own skin, been told how to act dress and talk from these people I thought loved me. To the point I physically was cutting my arm and wanting not to be here, acted in my life for years to be happy what was new I just acted so much I forgot who I even was.
But the age of 14 I’d kind of known more about the Lord than I did I had two amazing friends here in Kenansville and they are probably the only people that knew everything and had shown me love when I didn’t love my self, they tried to have bible studies with me and while they were studying I’d be on my phone not really caring.
Due to some issues, I had and just needed my own space. I ran off when I was 15. I was gone for about 3 weeks. I had never wanted to come back I was just so angry and broken. I told everyone I went I was 19 and my name was Taylor; I met a lot of sweet people. I was happy. I have never shared this with anyone but on my journey, I had been raped twice if you know me you know I am very shy but its due to me not feeling like I have a voice.
Meanwhile when I was traveling, I ended up in KY where I was sleeping on the street my first night there, I’ll never forget a homeless guy gave me his daughters jacket because I was cold. All I had was a few things and some clothes he had shared his story with me and all I could feel was God helping me knowing I needed this. Coming to a day or two being there I met an older guy so sweet he took care of me he told me about his family his daughter has passed, and he had a son, had become super close we prayed every meal and he brought my faith a lot closer. He had a necklace I loved it was a handmade cross necklace his daughter made for him. He gave me he’s last physical memory of her.
On one of the days, he had a very bad episode that we thought were just vivid dreams but ended being a Serer. I held his hand and prayed he’d snap out of it, and I just know God was with me and him within 20 of him snaping in an out of it with in absolute tears, I just asked God to help him. He snapped out of it like nothing happened.
About a week of being safe with him I was found and brought home so when the preacher says we may have had angels in our life and never knew to me he was the angel I needed. When I had gotten back home, the devil took me back and I completely went in a hole and didn’t believe in God. I kept questioning my faith, kept trying to pray but didn’t feel as connected. If it wasn’t for my boyfriend coming in my life, and me coming to this church at first I felt like I needed to out of respect for his family and now I see the church family I’ve been praying for, just a family that’s there for one another even when one member turns you down you know someone well help.
I still can’t say I have the strongest or best effort or faith as most here I know I still question the Lord sometimes, but I know he has truly saved me. I’ve seen so much change in my happiness, self-worth, and how I deal with situations, I can say I forgive those who have hurt me and done wrong on my name. I still pray for those who have helped me and given me things I couldn’t have gotten without my God. He has forgiven me though all of the bad I’ve done, and all the hurt I’ve made others and I pray they forgive me. I pray that no young person will ever have to go through what I have been though. There is a lot more to my testimony, but I pray if anyone needs someone that they know they have sisters and brothers in Christ that will listen and love.
I am happy that you now have a place to call home, a safe place and refuge. Only God knows the full extent of what you have been through. I pray he continue to guide, direct and sustain you. Don’t forget your past is gone, we are humans and are capable of remembering our passed, but when God forgives he also justifies and redeems your passed. You are a born again believer.