Finding Faith

My name is Melanie and I have recently been plagued with a terrible condition that medical science does not take seriously. I have a multitude of eye floaters after having Lasik eye surgery. My night vision is bad, and there are too many floaters in my eyes to simply ignore. Doctors keep telling me there is nothing I can do besides more risky surgery. When I first found out what I had, I cried uncontrollably, I fell into a black hole of self hatred and regret. I am suffering everyday, I fear light, I even see these horrible things at night. I used to have perfect vision with the assistance of glasses, and out of selfishness, I went and had Lasik. It wasn’t necessary, and here I am with this “supposed” lifelong irritation.

I’m 22 years old, and I live with my parents. As a child, I very much believed in GOD. I would pray every night and beg my mom to take me to church every Sunday. I would read the bible even though I barely understood it. I would have conversations with the Lord and my deceased relatives/friends during my prayers. I was very in tune with a higher spiritual life. I would have what doctors claimed were “hallucinations”. I had recurring nightmares for years that to this day are unexplained, but I could retell them in detail! Years went by and throughout my teenage years, I lost touch with my spiritual life and my faith.

I just lived day by day and was too lazy to pray. Of course, after this surgery, when I need him most, is when I’m now calling on God again. I almost feel guilty for it, but at the same time, I feel like this happened to me to bring me closer to God again, even though I am suffering.

These eye floaters may not be a big deal to some people, but to those who have it as bad as I do, they know how stressful and depressing it can be. The worst part of it is that it’s not taken seriously. People like me are forced to deal with it. It’s like having dirt in your eyes and you so badly want to wash it out, meanwhile someone is telling you, “too bad, live with it, it never goes away”. I pray every day for a healing from God. One night, I prayed so hard and cried my eyes out, begging for the Lord to send me an angel…and…HE DID! As I was laying in my bed that night, I was in the fetal position with my eyes closed. I was restlessly trying to sleep. Behind me I felt a presence, and I could hear my bed move (it creeks real loud) as if someone was trying to lay right behind me…I was frozen. I could not move, in my head I kept telling myself to relax and stay still…although I was desperate to turn around. After a few minutes, the noise repeated itself, and I felt this presence leave. I KNOW IT WAS MY ANGEL laying with me and comforting me. I fell right to sleep after that and only in the morning did I think about what had just happened.

That next day I kept thinking it was a dream. Three days later, a dove showed up on my doorstep and when my dad went to retrieve the mail, he started yelling for me and my mom to come see. The dove flew right to my father and perched right on his hand. He passed the dove to me as my mother was in awe, claiming it was a sign from God. My parents were leaving the country that morning for Bermuda, and they were leaving me alone at home for 2 weeks. I didn’t know what to do with the dove, my dad begged me to keep it so at that time, i did not want him to see me let it go. I ended up keeping it in the house for 3 days, and then decided to let it go… When I came back inside the house, I kept thanking God for sending me this sign, if in fact it was from God. I was also thinking that I wish I had kept it, I was kind of upset to let it go and right at that moment, I looked down at my feet and found one single feather. I was so happy, and then it occurred to me…this was ALL GOD! ALL OF IT! First my angel comes to comfort me, and although I did not realize it at first, here comes this dove, three days later…and it all made sense to me. After that, I stopped crying myself to sleep.

Although I am given these signs, which surely are signs of God, my problem is keeping the faith of receiving my healing! I know these things have happened to me, and I know GOD is in my life, but I want to believe so badly that he’ll heal my eyes. I pray for it, but it has yet to happen to me and I am currently searching for a good ministry and healing rooms. I need to keep the faith! I don’t want to think that if God doesn’t heal me, it’s because it’s not meant to be. I want to believe that God heals everyone if they believe enough, but again, that’s my problem…I believe in God, and I believe in the holy spirit, I believe in miracles, but until I receive my own, its so hard to believe it will happen to me! I guess this is why it hasn’t happened yet…

If anyone has any words of wisdom for me, to help me receive my healing….please help. I know there may be people out there who need prayers more than I, but if you have the few minutes to pray for me, please do! I can’t live in the dark forever, I need a miracle!

Thank you for your time.
God Bless!
xoxo

80 Comments

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