I feel really dumb doing this, but I just will because I know that I should.
I was legitimately saved like three months ago though I gave my life to Christ a year ago. But it seems like I’m never satisfied. I feel stupid, all the time. Like I have no right to even say that I gave my life to Christ. I feel like or I tell myself I have no purpose just because I don’t want to face opposition. Opposition as someone whispering in my ear that stuff like “he doesn’t care about you” and more stuff like that.
Sometimes, and this is few, I feel like I’m not really doing anything.
Like I’m being tossed about by God for no real reason. A little
demon activity here, a little revelation there. I have grown
complacent and at times get annoyed listening to Christian songs.
But i have so many problems. Like I’m impatient with God and don’t wait on him. Part of it is low self-confidence but then I am so proud.
I can’t understand it. And I haven’t been able to discuss this with God and I don’t want to talk to my Pastors. they scare me because they always quote scripture and tell me that I shouldn’t be feeling the way I do. I don’t want a quick fix. I don’t want somebody to tell me that God loves me except maybe if it was an angel but then again, I’m just thinking too much of myself. As if an angel would talk to me. I’ve started agreeing that I’m helpless but then I don’t think so.
Like I believe that this is just a phase and I know eventually I will get over it. I hate it. I think about this over and over. I just feel so useless, but I know that i allowed myself to think. But it’s hard to accept anything else. To believe anything else. I hate crying and avoid it. It’s like I’m always crying.
Is there anyone out there that has been through this?
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. Prayer just doesn’t seem like an answer. I’m not confident enough for a response, though I’ve gotten so many. I think that I am supposed to feel this way, but I am newly converted. And bam! It’s too much. Please I need some kind of answer.