The enemy went to work early in my life through molestation from ages 5-9. Which is when my mother died, and my family moved from the neighborhood perpetrator. Shortly after the move the child my mother delivered just 3 weeks before her death was given to an aunt to raise, leaving 3 brothers, my father, and grandmother. The not so comforting lie that God works in mysterious ways and His needing another flower in His garden put a bad taste in my mouth for pursuing a relationship with Him.
I began smoking at the age of 9 and very quickly moved to drugs and alcohol. At 12 I was arrested the first of 5 times. At 13 raped by a man in the local church and a victim of his fantasies which he forced his wife to perform with me. This was the beginning of a very promiscuous drug filled life.
June 30, 1993, I was invited to a church by my cousin and being the bitter soul that I was I quickly let him know I was not interested. He told me that it was not church as usual, he said,
“You can truly feel the love and presence of God there.”
That struck my curiosity as I had heard over the years how God needed a guitar player in heaven when my brother was killed, and He needed another flower in His garden when my father died, but when a cousin shot himself in the head, I was told he went to hell. Therefore, love and God did not sound right in the same sentence.
I went to church that night and everyone was very nice. There was something different. The next day my grandmother died. After getting trashed the Friday after my grandmother died the Holy Spirit began wooing me back to the church.
On July 4, 1993, I was born again, the message is just as clear and real to me today. When John 10:10 was declared by the pastor, it became alive in me, and the revelation of God’s goodness overwhelmed me as His love embraced me. I knew that I knew the enemy had wreaked havoc on my life and not God. I fell so deeply in love with Jesus, and he delivered me instantly of many things and the progression of healing was beautiful as I walked through the journey of restoration with Him.
He opened doors to jail ministry, I married a Christian man, and the Lord used me in awesome ways. Eight or nine years after a glorious walk with Jesus, pride began to creep in because of the wonderful way God was using me and a situation occurred which I became offended. I chose not to forgive my husband and my fellowship was eventually broken completely as I continued to refuse to forgive.
I believed I had a right to not forgive, and I began to worship the creation rather than the creator, myself. Fulfilling the lust of my flesh, God gave me up to uncleanness through the lusts of my own heart and I was given unto vile affections. I chose to give myself over to a relationship with a woman. I started taking prescription drugs to block out the conviction until I was, what looked like in the natural, a hopeless case.
In January 2008, in my broken state, I felt the presence of God beckoning me to return to Him. I had forgotten how to pray and could only respond with,
“Lord let it be unto me according to your word.”
I stepped out in faith toward the Lord and His faithfulness has brought restoration to me through His mercy and grace. In fact, He is even using this vessel in such a glorious way. I can boldly confess He is more ready and willing for the Peter’s to come back. Jesus is praying for us that our faith fail not and when we are converted, we are to strengthen our brethren. I spent the year of 2010 and the first part of this year in Haiti, after a Word from the Lord. He performed many miracles where lives were both physically and spiritually saved. He deserves all the Glory!