PLEASE HELP ME
My boyfriend broke up with me. I can’t handle this.
He said he wants to love God first, that before he fixes his relationship, he has to fix his life first with the Lord. He’s excited about his journey God and he wants me to understand… What’s really troubling me is he left me no clues as to where our love is leading.
I think he was sincere when he told me his reason. I think God’s telling me to fix my life as well.
I think he is more of pursuing refinement in his life and a better relationship with God rather than ministry. Because we can be both in the ministry. My heartache is that he closed all means of communication between us, you know, he started the breaking up idea on Friday, Feb 10. I already knew what he wanted but before the end of our conversation on Friday, he said he loves me and that he’s still my boyfriend.
Saturday morning, he’s as normal as before. he calls me honey and still says I love you, but Saturday night, he became so firm about the breakup but assured me that the space he’s asking has nothing to do with the two of us. It has something to do with his relationship with God, he said. He said that’s the help i could give him to give him space and time with the Lord.
Some people suggested that we stop first the communication and let each other think. I think that’s what he followed.
I really love him that much. And I want to see also what God is telling me in this situation.
I was full of hope that if I give him the time he wants, he would come to realize that we could still pursue our relationship while at the same time, following and serving God through our ministries. But just after a week of silence, he sent me a message that he does not love me anymore like before. There had been change in how he feels for me. He said that he might have explained it in a wrong way but part of his decision to just focus on God is for him to understand what caused him to have changes of feelings towards me. He also would like to know where God would direct him after this.
He told me not to expect anymore because the only thing he could offer now is friendship. He wants me to move forward.
No matter how I try to just accept it so that I’d not be hurt anymore, something’s telling me to still not give up on him. It’s because I am always reminded how God brought us to each other. It was a night when he was so sick that I laid my hand on his back and prayed for him. I was praying for healing but something struck me. I then whispered to God without understanding anything that I would love him. After my prayer, he vomitted so hard and became well as if he had not been sick at all. Since that day, without us knowing, God has planted in our hearts the love for each other. That was 4 years ago.
He was still sweet to me days before the break up. In fact whenever i push him away, he’s the one who initiates reconciliation. He would always say that he loves me so much to lose me.
I am working in Thailand now and he’s in the Philippines. I have a certain feeling that he might have felt out of love because we’ve not been together. And he would always say that he misses me and he feels bad that sometimes I do not have time for him. When he told he does not love me anymore, I couldn’t believe it because just 2 months ago, we’ve been together in the Philippines when I went home for Christmas vacation. He was so sweet and so caring more than ever. I really felt how he loves me and how he missed me for the times we were not together.
This June, I’d be coming back to the Philippines. My decision for now is not to renew my contract in Thailand so that I could be with him and see if it could still work out. But the reason is not only that, I am also not happy anymore with my ministry here in Thailand. It felt like going to church is obligatory for me now and I don’t enjoy it anymore. I feel that going back to my home church would be best for me. I don’t want to serve God yet I am not happy. I am not blessed anymore with the people in the church.
Actually, I feel closer to God in meditation rather than attending services. My home church in the Philippines is still the best place where I think I could grow in Christ. And there I enjoy doing a lot of ministries though the tasks in the Philippines are heavier than my tasks here. It’s the enjoyment of serving and the growth I can have in my home church that make me want to go back.
Now, I am torn between coming back for my boyfriend and home church, and the fact that I earn a lot here in Thailand. Actually, even when we’re still in the relationship, I already had bad feelings towards the church here. I am not growing anymore.
I have a lot things in my mind, also the reason why I couldn’t organize my thoughts well as I write here.
Anyway, to summarize it all, I want to seek advice regarding my boyfriend’s feelings, how should I act, how do I pray for this and my decision to finally settle in my home country and leave my work here. I still know that if God is calling me in Thailand, I could still go back when I want to. It’s just that I want to rest first in my own country to find joy once again in serving.