I have been a Christian for only two years and have been filled with the question, “What does God want me to do in my life? What plan do you have for me Lord?” I grew up poor; I was raped and beaten most of my childhood. I was 12 when my mother died at age 32. I witnessed one grandma die of cancer and the other die from drinking too much.
By the age of 14, as you might guess, I hated this life, and I became hooked on drugs until age 24. I met my wife when she was 15; we have had 2 beautiful kids. That being said, my second child was born after I moved 13 hours from my hometown to get off drugs, stay out of prison, and become the parent to my kids that I never had. I did well, got a great job, was making good money, and then my son was born a year later.
Before his birth, I knew about the Lord but never did anything to get to know him. I never prayed, I never begged the Lord for anything, except when I was locked up and was coming off drugs. My life was based on my “free will and emotions.” I made horrible decisions, cheated on my wife, and was focused on the flesh.
After I had moved away and was drug-free for a year, my son arrived. He was a beautiful and amazing kid, always smiling, etc., but he was constantly sick. My daughter never had any health problems, so I was not used to this. I stayed numerous nights at the hospital while he was sick, crying with my wife and daughter. Finally his symptoms improved and we thought he was better. But after feeding him and laying him down for his nap, he never woke up. It was determined he had SIDS.
I battled depression. After a few months, my wife grabbed my hand and said we needed to come out of this for our daughter’s sake. She said we needed to start praying. She started reading the Bible to me and teaching me about Jesus. Things gradually improved; we started wrapping our lives more and more around Jesus and trying to be like him. I think the real reason I started believing was because I didn’t want to believe my son was really dead. My wife assured me our son is alive and with Someone who loves him even more than we do–that’s when I started getting better.
I pray every day, listen to Christian music, and learn as much as I can about Him because I would love to be with my son again. What I am getting to is this: God has a plan for your life if you read the Bible and listen to him. Even now I struggle financially—I work at a restaurant making minimum wage—but spiritually I am more alive than ever. I love to talk to people about Jesus and enjoy spending time with my family.
God does have a plan for each and every person; His plan is for us to do whatever it takes to get to know him. I am a father and so is God. My love could never be as strong as his, and knowing how much it hurts to miss out on my child, I can’t imagine how much it would hurt God if he were never to know his children. He will do anything to get to know you. Whatever it takes, and after he does, he needs your help to ask the rest of his children to get to know him as well. In God’s eyes, each person is all important and he loves you greatly. It doesn’t matter what job you have or what disease you carry.
God’s plan isn’t to make sure you never suffer or that you drive an expensive car and live in a million-dollar house. His plan for you is to take you home so you can live forever. His plan is to love you and for you to love him and be his child. That’s what I have grasped so far from reading Scripture and learning about my father as much as possible.
I thank the Lord that I have gone through what I have gone through, and that I am where I am. If that wasn’t the case, then I wouldn’t know and love and praise my creator. If I had loads of money, I’m sure I would be prideful and look down on others. Because I have done drugs in my past, I don’t judge others because I understand they are trying to ignore their reality and want to be part of a group. So every part of my life, I believe God has a plan; it has made me who I am—I am a follower of Jesus and a child of God. God’s plan for each and every person is different; it is more than we will ever understand. May God bless his children and the nonbelievers, for we all need his grace as we are all sinners. May we all be more like Jesus and less like Satan.