Disclaimer: I want to make it VERY clear that I have never touched a child or viewed child pornography.
From around the age of 12, I realized that I was attracted to other males. However, what I also realized is that I was attracted to young boys. At first I didn’t even realize that it was a sexual attraction, I thought that the weird feeling I felt toward young boys was normal. This allowed Satan to firmly plant in me the addiction to this unholy lust. At first it seemed innocent enough, I thought about being with young boys and holding them, nothing explicitly sexual.
The devil tricked me, while I still a child myself he tricked me into thinking that this behavior was normal, I thought that I just had a unique love for children. By the time I was 13 I began to indulge these fantasies through masturbation, and that is what really enforced this addiction. Around the time that I started masturbating to these thoughts was around when I came to my senses and realized that this was by no means normal or innocent, but by then it was too late. Satan had already rooted in me deeply the evil spirit of sexual attraction to children.
By the time I was 15, I was filled with so much self-loathing because of this evil spirit living inside me that I entered into a deep depression. I often prayed to God to deliver me from this evil spirit that was controlling me, that seemed to be choking my very soul, but I never received deliverance, so I figured that either God was not real, or that he did not care about me.
I went far away from God, at 18 I began living a life filled with drugs and alcohol. I came out as a homosexual and began to try to distract myself from my attraction to boys by having sex with guys my own age. At first it seemed to work, but eventually I always fell back to the evil spirit dwelling inside me by indulging myself with fantasies of boys. I was a slave to it.
I knew deep down that I never ever wanted to hurt a child, and that I never would, but the very fact that I was aroused by something that I found disgusting at the same time utterly destroyed my soul. I completely hated myself. I thought about killing myself in hopes of doing the world a favor.
I spent hours in my dorm room just laying in bed, thinking, contemplating life, thinking of ways to rid myself of this unholy addiction. Marijuana worked for a little while, alcohol worked a little bit, and having sex with guys my own age worked for a little bit, but in the end, the spirit always overtook me and I would once again give into it and indulge it in fantasy.
One night, after laying in bed for hours, unable to go to sleep, I felt as if I really wanted to die. I saw no point to my existence, no matter what I did, no matter where I went, I would always have this evil living inside of me. I thought that I was just stuck with this, that this was the hand that I was dealt. At this time, I was about ready to fold, that is, kill myself. I cried out to God one last time and said
“If you are real, save me!”
I felt a sense of peace, and then I had this thought “Cry out to Jesus.” So I did, and instantly my spirit was renewed. God’s presence filled the room and I wept at how dirty a sinner I was, even if nobody but me and God knew. I wept and wept, but tears of guilt turned into tears of joy because of God’s great love for a sinner like me! I woke up a new man because I had received the holy spirit, however my story isn’t over yet.
Although I was born again, I still had sin living in me, sin that God needed to cleanse me of. My lust became more focused towards an attraction to men, but still there was this attraction to children living inside of men. I went for weeks asking God to just rid me of it, to just make me clean and holy before him so that I could do his will, but still I had this thing living inside me.
At my church, I heard something that Jesus said, “If the son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” I thought to myself, I am not free, how can Jesus say this? Then I realized that God had already set me free, and it was my lack of faith that was keeping me from being delivered from this evil spirit. I prayed every night and fought every single temptation to fantasize about children with in the name of Jesus Christ. If I felt like I was about to be overwhelmed, I would cry out Jesus name and demand that in Jesus name the spirit would leave me alone. I did pretty well for a couple weeks and really noticed that there was a change beginning in me. However, one night I gave into to my lust and indulged in a fantasy.
Afterwards, I felt utterly defeated. I prayed on my knees to God that he would wound this evil spirit, that it was too powerful for me to battle. I went to bed feeling hopeless and defeated. That night, I had a dream involving children sexually. I woke up in a panic and began to think “what a disgusting dream I had, God why would you allow me to have such a dream!” Then suddenly, I rejoiced! Something had just happened that had never happened before. After having the dream, instead of fantasizing and lusting after it, I was utterly disgusted by it! From that moment, I was completely set free from my evil spirit!
You must EXPECT God to free you from your sin, you must expect it because he promises us that he will! From that moment on Satan has tried to tempt me in every way but God has strengthened me so much, I am now completely free of that spirit! When it tries to attack me, I see it coming from a mile away and I smash it with the sword of the spirit.
The bible says submit yourselves to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you! If you defeat Satan in battle once, he will attack again, and again, and again, he is seemingly relentless. But eventually, he gives up, because he knows that he cannot win against God.
The path to deliverance is through God but we have to do our part as well! We have to have faith that God is working for the good of those that love him! And by faith I mean in our actions AND our thoughts! By not indulging those evil lusts even for a second and by continually praying! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! If we are faithful in not giving in to our lust, God will deliver us completely! Thank God for his awesome power to save a sinner like me! Don’t for a second believe that you cannot overcome whatever sin or evil you are living with! God is powerful! In Jesus’ name we can cast out demons and evil spirits, do not forget that!
If you are struggling with pedophilia, homosexuality, or any other lust remember this! You HAVE to do your part. If you are struggling with homosexual thoughts and you ask God to make you not homosexual, you have to make a conscious effort to not indulge in the pleasures of the flesh. This means not letting lust in, even for a second, and especially no masturbating! Lust is reinforced so strongly through this act!
Also, God will not replace one lust for another! If you ask God to deliver you from lust of the same sex or of children or whatever, do not think for a minute that God will send you off to lust after the opposite sex! All lust is sin! Marriage is about love, and sex is a wonderful way to express that love!
Thank you Lord for saving a sinner like me! Allow this testimony to reach the heart of at least one person!
Thank you for your sharing.I am going through this progross,but sometimes i feel depressed by lust within me.i promised to God that i will not do it again,but i broke my word many times.tahnk you for your advice,it gives me strenth.
thank you so much and you are right.we must never give up.the closer we get to God the closer He gets to us.in my walk with God i notice the more time i spend with Him the better things get including my thinking.i love spending time in Gods word.He rewards those who diligently seek Him.God bless you..
My friend can you email me if you still read this thing? I would like to talk with you. jesus_freak2122123[at]yahoo[dot]com
Thank you very much for posting this. I really needed you to. 🙂 God bless my friend. again if you could please email me I would be very grateful
Hey, could you shoot me an email? I would also like to talk to you. Your post touched my heart and I was wondering if you could email me at justinsh1333[at]gmail[dot]com Again, very grateful that you posted this. PLease please please email me, Id appreciate it!!! God bless you and keep fighting the fight! 🙂
Thank you for this testimony! My son is struggling with this and he is young so getting him to do his part is really difficult. This really set me free from hoplessness about the situation!!! Thank you!
hi, i am so blessed in your testimony, i believe that if God delivered you from that kind of sin He will deliver me too…
please pray for me…
thanks and May the spirit of the God be upon you to resist all kinds of temptations…
Thank you so much for this amazing testimony. I had such a battle years ago beginning with a lustful dream. This started in my 30’s (not my teens). I realize now that my age made it easier for me to EXPECT the deliverance of which you speak, since through my young teens and 20’s I had been free. However, I had squandered that freedom through wrong decisions, sex outside of marriage and watching porn to please my husband. Thank you Lord, for your deliverance for us!
Thank you, I did not read this until today. I had been looking for testiomonies that will minister to me. I am a woman. and I too have had problems with pedophilia the only thing is, I did date a few girls way below my age when I was younger. But this testimony has really helped me and opened my understanding. I have been set free from sin of lust. YAHUSHUA(Hebrew for JESUS CHRIST)has set me free from pornography, and homosexuality in many degrees. For a time I have wondered why I was still having trouble with other things like lust, hatred and so fourth and now I my eyes I can see for the first time with WISDOM YAH has given me from your testimony. YAH(YAH is Elohim Hebrew for JEHOVAH) Bless you and I hope one day I too will be able to have a testimony of deliverance.
YAH Bless you always.
Hello I pray this message finds you. I was molested and impregnated by my day at the age of 13. He died 5 years ago and I in my ministry I teach forgiveness after molestation. Lately God has told me in order to combat child sexual abuse we must help the pedophile. I am working on a book and I want to show love to the pedophile because I know that Jesus died for them as well . No one is exempt for the blood or the love of Christ. I would love to speak with you and get your input on ways to make my mission a success. please email me: unbroken at latonyasmiley dot com, God Bless you ! Love you for your honesty.
Hello, thank you for your honest and vulnerable testimony. My son has confessed a struggle with this and I’m looking for help and hope. He loves the Lord and has prayed constantly for deliverance. The thoughts torment him. He hates them, but they seem to bombard him. I too would love if you have a chance to talk via email. Mine is HoneyHomefurniture[at]gmail[dot]com
May God continue to guard you and bless you!
Honestly doesn’t sound like a complete deliverance. Sounds like renewing of the mind. Not once was there any mentioning of laying of hands or having these unclean spirits casted out. I do believe in self deliverance without having anyone lay hands. This could possibly be what this is but things don’t add up in this testimony. It went from you “receiving the Holy Spirit” and “doing well” to you giving in into temptation and then you winning in your battles. It would be great to have a follow up testimony.
I know, the laying of hands you meant is the Anointing. Of course, it is anointing that breaks the yoke.
Let me talk a little about Anointing. This is an excerpt from my book titled: “understanding divine calling: a launch into the supernatural realm”.
Anointing is the divine enablement or grace to carry out a task. Anointing makes task to be done easily.
The coming of the Holy Spirit upon one is the Anointing, the power of God. The Anointing oil is not the Anointing but just a symbol. Let a gallon of the anointing oil be poured upon a person or hands laid on the person, if the Holy Spirit does not come upon the person, he/she is not anointed. No anointing oil was poured on Moses, Elisha, the Apostles in the upper room and they were anointed by the Holy Spirit.
We saw that after the oil was poured upon David that the Holy Spirit came upon him. That means until the Holy Spirit comes upon one before one could be said to be anointed. If oil is poured on one or hands laid on one and the Holy Spirit didn’t come upon him/her, then the person is not anointed. Therefore, the coming of the Holy Spirit upon you is the anointing. It is the Holy Spirit that will determine the way He wants to come upon you, may be after oil is poured on you or hands laid on you or not.
The Anointing comes on one through the voice of God. It is either one is Anointed directly through the voice of God or anointed by the voice of God through His servant.
It is the voice of God that delivers one from the captivity of Satan. The attributes of the voice of God has been given in Psalm 29:3-9 and Hebrews 4:12. Whichever way the voice of God comes unto one, may be after oil was poured or hands laid or not, that is what will give the needed deliverance. On Sunday, 21st January 2007, the voice of the LORD came to me: “I will contend with them that contend with you for I am Jehovah Sabaoth” and immediately the Assyrians began to be beaten down.
People have been going for deliverance services and not delivered yet because the LORD has not spoken about their case, once He speaks no Assyrian or Mountain can stand. Let us keep waiting for His voice, then the needed victory shall come.
Shalom
Hello, I read this several months ago and have been trying to find it again for a while. I too experienced having a traumatized sexuality and healing from it. The mistake many people with pedophilia make is believing that their attraction is set in stone or hardwired and that it will always be there for them. I know it feels that way while you have the problem, but healing absolutely is possible, so I hope people can believe that. To the poster of the blog, please email me if you would like. I just need a friend and I think we could relate with our experiences. Lucaevans at protonmail dot com
How did you heal from it, if i may ask?