At the age of 3 and a half my biological dad left at that time it didn’t really affect me I thought it was just for sometime but it wasn’t it was forever. So when I saw dads take their children to school I would say in my mind that I wish my dad was here so he can do the same and just in general everything other dads would do with their children I wished that my dad would’ve done the same. So as I started getting older it started affecting me with depression which was the main thing and as I would see dads with their kids I would just look down or look somewhere else and say to myself I’m never going to have that or that happy family.
So my mom had to play the father and mother part. While years passed a friend of my mom’s introduced her brother in law to my mom and the guy was a believer and when I saw them talking I walked up to them both and told my mom that I wanted him to be my dad so it worked out well my stepdad which doesn’t deserve to be called that but be called dad has now been my dad for 14 years. I have no words to describe how amazing he’s been to me having to pretend I’m his real daughter. He’s always telling me you look so much like me mija you got those colored eyes from me (when he has brown eyes), you got those freckles from me (when he has none), and your light skinned just like me (when he’s dark skinned). He’s always telling me that a guy had to be there with my mom when she had me because he was at work and couldn’t be there.
So everything was well then but we moved to Victorville, CA and I started middle school their but I would always say to myself I wonder if my real dad looks for where I’m at or at least thinks of me or if he loves me and stuff like that where it would get me depressed because I would think of the past since he left me. Depression hit me hard since I started getting older as of middle school and to high school I started feeling like no guy was ever going to love me. That I was never going to receive love from a guy even though I had my dad there that showed me that love but I would always say negative stuff like that. I even had suicidal thoughts. I had different plans of how it could have happened. I knew I wasn’t doing ok.
Sophomore year was different not based on classes but on people. Those thoughts of no guy was ever going to love me, be with me, or like me were always there they never left throughout high school. So I would see that there were homosexuals at school, girls with girls and boys with boys. I would see them happy. Something in my head was like why not give it a try and try looking for love in a girl, so I started practicing the lifestyle of homosexuality because I had no hope in guys and those thoughts were always there. I told my friends from school I was gay and they were ok with it. I don’t know why but I was never with someone from school it was always from social media but never lived close to me so it was always a far distanced relationship.
I felt happy being that way but still having emptiness in my heart. My parents and my family knew nothing about me being homosexual. So to them it was like she’s straight she likes guys she’s just focused on school that’s why she’s not looking for no one but little did they know I was that. I never told them because I was scared they weren’t going to like me no more, see me the same, not love me for me. So it stayed like that with them not knowing anything.
Sophomore year I had to move to a continuation school close to their because I wasn’t doing good I had to catch up on my credits I was really behind cause I wouldn’t do my work in class, I would walk out of class, I wouldn’t listen to my teachers, I would be the clown of the class in some classes, I would ditch class a lot. And so I moved to that continuation school at first I was with my aunt cause she would go there but then she finished school and I stayed alone like a loner I was really alone in that school I actually got my mind straight with school and started doing better there. I was even in the basketball team so if I didn’t have good grades I wasn’t able to play or be in the team so that’s what kept me going because I loved the sport. When the basketball season finished we ended up moving to Montclair, Ca. I had the choice to go back to regular school or home school but regular school wasn’t going to help me catch up so I chose home school.
I still had those thoughts of guys and I was still living a homosexual lifestyle and no one knew anything still. I was with someone and things were getting serious between her and me. We were thinking of moving in together. We had grown up plans in other words. One day my aunt, mom and I were at the laundry washing clothes, I was sitting on the bench and my aunt and mom were folding clothes. Then some lady was drying clothes close to where they were folding clothes and I saw that the lady was talking to them both and they were talking for a long time. When the lady left I asked my mom what was the lady telling you and my mom was just like oh she was inviting us to her church that it was close to here and if we wanted to go to it and I told my mom what did you say and she was like I told her that sure I was going to go but in 2 weeks and I was just like oh ok sounds good.
As days passed by I would always think at night about when was I going to tell my mom what I thought I was but before those 2 weeks passed by one night we were all going to sleep already so everyone locked themselves in their room and then I texted my mom and told her everything about me and one thing I told her was don’t come to my room because I’m not going to open my door because I was crying even before I sent the text but she still came once I opened my door she hugged me and we were already both crying a lot and she was asking me all these questions like why you’re not like this God doesn’t accept people that way you weren’t born this way we have to go to a church so God can help you because you’re not that way and I told her mom I was born this way and wherever you try to take me or do nobody is going to change the way I am. My mom and I went to church on a Friday night for the first time. Having all those thoughts in my head and now I was going to add another thought which was that I wasn’t going to change for nobody that’s how I went to church that night. That night was prayer night.
Once we walked in there I saw that my mom went straight to the altar she kneeled down and started crying like crazy and me I just sat down in the back texting having no respect for Christ with my evil heart. That night my mom accepted Christ as her Lord and Savior. My mom really liked that church so we started attending to it but I was a rebel in there I would text and not care I wouldn’t listen to the preaching. As months passed by little by little I would listen; I wouldn’t text as much. I was introduced to the youth there, they were nice to me but I felt weird like I didn’t belong there. I would go to youth events with them. As I started getting into church more but still not changing my ways and how I thought I was preaching’s started hitting me like crazy I was getting slapped in the face by God. When I would go to youth events and I would see young people worshipping and praising God and in my head I was just like I want to be like them one day. So church really started getting serious for me but I still thought the way I thought I was.
I would go up front when they did altar call and I would pray and tell God help me change me I don’t want to be like this anymore I want to be how you created me to be I need your help. I would pray the same stuff all the time so I was in a desperate need of the Lord Jesus Christ to change my lifestyle. My heart was open for Him to do whatever it was in my life. I was baptized in Jesus name on 2011. (Acts 2:38) I really felt to be baptized that time but nothing really changed I was still practicing the homosexuality lifestyle and I still had my plugs in my ears (I remember loving them very much). I felt guilty in same way but I also felt that, that was the year everything was going to change. I would have visions of me praising and worshipping God like those young people at the rallies. I even saw myself receiving the Holy Spirit. God is so good even when were not exactly committed to Him.
Months passed by and one Wednesday I went to church excited because I was going to do something that was hard for me to give up, after church was over I walked up to the pastors wife I told her I’m ready to let my earrings go and so I took my long sticks out my ear and handed them to her and she told me she was proud of me and she will keep them for testimony. I felt good after that in my head I was like one down now one to go. So I was still in a relationship with a girl after everything from above had happened but things were different I felt uncomfortable being with a girl. Ever since I started behaving in church I would pray for her as well so she can have deliverance and on September 21st 2011 she tells me I don’t think I like girls anymore so I don’t think this is going to work out. Deep down inside I was like:
Jesus you have answered my prayer!
I wasn’t sad or anything as people feel after break ups but I was rejoicing because I would always ask God to help her as He has helped me, so I went straight to my room turned on a song from casting crowns praise you in this storm and I turned up the volume, got on my knees and started thanking God for what He had done and just letting me be an instrument to speak to her about the things of Christ even though I was living in sin. I’m not going to lie I was busting up in tears I was just in shock but in a good kind of shock.
And so I was thanking Him for a long while but then all of a sudden came down the Holy Spirit and I began to speak in tongues. I couldn’t stop; it was the best feeling ever in my life. I felt like that was the last thing I had to let go of for me to receive Him. I still couldn’t stop crying and speaking in tongues and just being in His wonderful presence. I didn’t want to get out of it but then I went to tell my mom she saw me crying right outside my door and she said what’s wrong? I told her I’m speaking in tongues.
What? You fell? Are you ok?
No I’m speaking in tongues.
So she got up with food in her mouth because she was eating and she came and hugged me then she joined me and we were both being filled with the Holy Spirit. Then I came back in my room got on my knees while still being filled with the spirit and my mom was praying for me. I remember it was another while but I stopped.
I’m going to be honest with all who are reading that ever since that day I felt free. I felt like the Lord Jesus Christ did wash away the bondage of homosexuality away from my life. I felt it. He broke all chains in Jesus name. He delivered me from the bondage of homosexuality. He also took away all depression and what I thought about guys and the suicidal thoughts. He even gave me the strength to forgive my biological father even though I felt lonely, abandon with no dad to lead me the right way but God was there the whole entire time. (Deu. 31:6) Glory and Honor to God that still to this day I’m living a pure life and for not getting into the addictions of drugs, drinking, or partying. I choose purity because it pleases God and I believe my future spouse is worth the wait. Drugs, drinking, and partying never caught my attention. There was no point of them. I’m now committed to Christ for good no turn backs no excuses, it’s Christ over everything not worrying about nothing just exposing His word and what He has to offer.
I don’t plan or want to go back to my past for it is not good for me. My plan is to live for Jesus Christ because He has helped me with my life so I’m returning something by living for Him and just doing everything for His glory. God has given me the opportunity to share my testimony with this generation and you who is reading this. I thank God for the privilege to be able to share my story with to whoever is reading to display His power and how He makes the impossible, POSSIBLE!
The purpose of my testimony is to expose the lies behind the homosexual lifestyle that many people in this generation are believing and to also expose the power of GOD and how He can deliver anyone from the bondage of homosexuality. With GOD my goal is to reach out to anyone that is curious about the homosexual lifestyle, or already involved in the same sex relationship. Thank God He has made me a living witness for people who want to get out of the homosexual lifestyle and get to know Him. God has the power to set and/or cleanse ANYONE free from the bondage of homosexuality for that is not His will for your life, He is willing and ready to do so, all you have to do is agree with His Holy word, pray asking Him to deliver you, and believe that He will and is capable to set you free from your sin. God is faithful. He will come and deliver you if you just believe (Matthew 21:22). Some scriptures in the bible concerning homosexuality are: (Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, Romans 1:26-28, Jude 6-9, Genesis chapter 19 and 2 Peter 2:6).