My life without Christ was an empty existence. I lived without a sense of purpose or direction. I wandered aimlessly from relationship to relationship and from one addictive behavior to the next. I would eat, drink, smoke, or snort practically any drug that was available to me in a desperate attempt to “feel better” and fill the void deep within me.
My mother was emotionally distant while my father chose to sign over his parental rights to me to my mother’s second husband in exchange for a life of drug abuse. I, in turn, developed an unhealthy view of love and relationships. My value and self-worth were dependent upon “being wanted by others” and seeking their acceptance.
Growing up, I felt like the reject that was rejected by the rejects (for lack of a better word). I found no true place to fit in. I would give myself away to whoever showed interest and I walked around with my heart on my sleeve. My life felt like a series of mistakes designed to cause pain and destruction wherever I went.
In my heart I wanted to “help others” yet despite my good intentions, my self-serving choices had disastrous consequences. Despite my best efforts to change and make better choices I simply could not. I felt as if I were imprisoned by some unseen force that I couldn’t break free from.
Years down this dark road led me into a seemingly inescapable bottomless pit of which I saw no way out. Looking back on the train wreck that was my life, I believe one of the most pivotal choices I ever made was this: allowing my curiosity as a teenager to permit me to dabble into and research the occult. I had this question burning in my brain. I asked:
(Yes, I worded it that way). “What is?” was the question I became so obsessed with that I even hung this question up unto my bedroom wall to meditate on. I knew there was something more to life, something unseen but sensed.
The devil jumped at the opportunity to give me an answer to my question. The answer came in the form an antichrist spirit that was possessing a man who introduced himself to me while I was in the break room at work. His original invitation began as an invitation to his home to talk to ghosts in a séance. Foolishly I thought it would be “cool” at the time since I had an interest in the supernatural. Then, over time, slowly but surely, I was now the member of a one-man cult.
Flash forward practically two years and now I was being hurled back into society a far different person then when I was first taken away. I was a broken person, full of fear, guilt and confusion. It cost me everything. It was the cause of the divorce to my first husband and most traumatizing of all, it cost me the relationship with my first-born child as well. I was ashamed, traumatized, and riddled with guilt.
It is imperative I mention that in the beginning of all this, another man showed up and THIS man was the true answer to my question. A man I had never seen at work before was suddenly sitting before me as I glanced up from my table. He startled me because I did not hear his footsteps as He approached, nor did I hear the chair being pulled out from under the table.
This man immediately began instructing me on how I was to recognize if a religion was the “true religion or not”. Basically, He said that if it required me to cause harm to another then it is not the true religion. When my cigarette break was over, I excused myself and He said,
“If you need me, you know where I’ll be.”
I remember being confused at that statement in general. Needing Him For what? Who was He and where would HE be? Now I know who HE was and where He would be. Every time I think back now and replay that old question in my mind, I know the true answer is “I am that I am.” It is because of this flesh and blood Christ encounter that I can testify today two things to all that read this:
First, that Jesus does in fact love even the worst of sinners enough to leave the 99 to save them.
Secondly, that there really is a Devil, and he is out there seeking whom he may devour.
Please know we have all been warned how to steer clear from this sort of deceit. It can be found in the Word of God which had been a book I had never read. The choice to pursue darkness is how I fell victim to this demonic assault. Keep in mind, I didn’t come to this conclusion right after being released because my mind was now full of the lies of demons that I listened to for those past two years. My brain was packed full of false doctrine and so I was confused over what had truly happened to me. All I knew at that time was this: evil spirits were real, and I felt powerless against them.
This newfound reality of their existence turned me into an alcoholic overnight, as I did all I could to stop myself from thinking. I drank for the sole purpose of escape. I drank with purpose of blacking out. This, of course, led to even more destruction in my life. Several years into my binge drinking alcoholic days I finally mustered up the courage to ask for God’s help.
Things got much worse after that, and demonic activity started manifesting in my home causing me to doubt my decision to pray. I wanted to seek help. I wanted to go to church but I was afraid. I remember wishing I had someone to take me inside. Looking back, I realized that one, single, prayer was all that Jesus needed to pull me out of the mess I got myself into.
His rescue came after a suicide attempt, a stay at a mental hospital, and the death of my second husband. After his death, I was completely alone. The man I was having an affair with and had walked out on my husband for had tried to take my life and then abandoned me.
Out of loneliness, I started seeking out old friendships from my high school days. It was thru one of those connections that I was reunited with an old flame (who has since become my husband of 5 years now). He invited me to his local church, and I have never looked back! Praise God! Standing in the Word Ministries was preaching things I never heard before and were unlike any church I had stepped into before. I knew in my heart this is where I was supposed to be.
Thru this ministry I discovered the who, what, and the why this had happened to me. Pastor Giovannetti’s preaching on spiritual warfare (among other biblical truths) made my entire life begin to make sense. Because of this ministry, I have renounced my past, I have repented of all my sins, and I am an born again new creation in Christ!
After 36 years, I was delivered out of a lifetime in the dark! Hallelujah! Following salvation, baptism was the beginning of major transformation in my life. Within a few months of totally surrendering my life to Christ, I heard a direct call from the Lord. He asked me to “come work in His vineyard”.
I decided I had better start educating myself on His Word and His ways if He wants me to work for Him! I understood the incredible amount of responsibility that comes with this call. I went on to receive my Diploma of Ministry with Global Ministries and Relief thru their online program. I also went on to earn a Christian Life Coach Certification and Corporate Chaplain Certification both thru International Institute of Faith Based Counseling.
I have no intention on ending my educational pursuits relating to Christ because Christ never quit on me. I feel it is my duty to learn all I can while I am here co laboring with Christ so I can share the truth (and nothing but the truth) with others. I also obtained a license to Minister thru Missionary Chapel and Seminary and intend to launch boldstepsministries.org. It is my intention to “do more for Christ” as Christ has done so much for me! I could never repay Him for what He has done for me, but I can do all I can while here to serve Him and fulfill His will for me here on earth.
He has continued to perform miracles in my life and blessed me in more ways than I can even count! The main things I’d like to share with you are how he delivered me after 14 years of alcohol addiction. He did this practically overnight with a personal revelation that when I drank, I was permitting evil spirits to take over my mind! This explained why I was told when I blacked out, I would do and say things that sounded nothing like me or my beliefs.
This revelation was enough. I immediately lost my desire to drink! No way did I want the enemy taking me over like that anymore! I desire to shut every door and desire Jesus to break my every chain! I was also delivered from cigarette addiction by asking him sincerely to take away the cravings. His grace is Amazing! Talk about undeserved and unmerited favor!
My life has been drastically changed. He has also blessed me with another chance at family with a new husband, new family, and two beautiful children! I also have two grandbabies! A life of sobriety and closeness to God is more amazing than anything I could have ever imagined. There is nothing I treasure more on earth than my relationship with Jesus!
My hope is that all people will accept His gracious gift and return to fellowship with God as we were created for in the beginning. Now I know that no man nor substance on this earth could fill the void that only Christ can fill. He is everything we ever could want or need. He is, (whether we know it or not) exactly what we are ALL longing for!
I hope my story inspires others to understand there is no sin too great that He can’t forgive and no pit too deep that He can’t get you out of! He IS willing and is patiently waiting for you to believe and receive Him. Don’t be afraid to pray. He is listening and only He is your answer.