I have found that as I age, new friendships become harder to start, let alone grow into relationships of meaningful depth. We all have different reasons why this can be challenging. For myself, it’s because I’ve experienced heartbreak in friendship, specifically Christian friendship. As a result, I’ve felt abandoned and all together dropped. After mourning a loss like this, it can be difficult to want to try again with a new friend.
A few years ago, I was so disheartened to find that my closest friend, whom I had spent 12+ years with in Christian friendship and church community, gave up on the relationship we had. She decided to leave our church and subsequently quit our friendship. It was so shocking and it really tested my faith. The depth of relationship I thought we had was suddenly gone. To this day, I still do not know all the reasons why she chose to quit our friendship. But ultimately, I found that despite the uncertainty and confusion of her actions, I found that what I wanted more than anything else was to walk in the joy of the Lord.
When I read about the “one anothers” of Scripture, loving one another and bearing one another’s burdens, I know this is meant for me. Loving one another is hard; it can be both wonderful and challenging. It’s not easy to show love to someone when they don’t give you the same time, care, and consideration you give them. On the other hand, it’s also so wonderful to pour out your love and care on someone else because you know how much love you have received from the Lord. My desire remained strong–I wanted to walk in all the things that God has given us (his children) in His power for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). I also felt very deeply how much I wanted to live at peace with all people (Rom. 12:18) and to be reconciled with my friend (Matt. 5:24).
For 10 months, I reached out to her checking in on her and her family, hopeful that she would want to talk or meet face to face again. One day I finally asked if we could meet and she agreed. We met for coffee and I was thrilled to see her–I tried to convey how happy I was to see her again. Our time together that afternoon was good, and I am glad she agreed to meet with me. I left feeling thankful and at peace because we had reconciled. I wasn’t sure what would happen next between us, but I was hopeful that she may want to keep up the friendship. But that didn’t happen.
My only comfort throughout the many months of dealing with sadness and heartache was the presence of the Lord in my life. The Holy Spirit was a constant help–from recalling the Scriptures above, to worship songs that would come to my mind to sing out in my sorrow. The nearness of the Lord was what carried me.
Another comfort and encouragement was being around my church family. I found that my desire to walk in the joy of the Lord only increased despite the heartache I experienced. Many sweet sisters in my church family talked with me, encouraged me, cried with me, and prayed with me. Over time, I found that it was easier to think about her without becoming a puddle of tears. I found my heart only wanted to speak blessing over her as she went on with her life.
Almost a year after my friend ended things, I felt my heart had been healed. One afternoon a sweet friend prayed specific Scriptures from God’s Word over me. We prayed for over an hour. And the Holy Spirit worked. It was powerful. I knew the Lord had changed me.
While I wish things between us could have been different between my friend and I, I can see how the Lord has been providing for me in new Christian friendships. I want and need Christian friendships, and I want to joyfully receive what the Lord brings to my life. I know as long as I live on earth I will have hardships, even in Christian friendships.
After walking through this, I have so much gratitude because I know the Lord God was at work in my life and still is today. I am grateful for a healthy church family I can be a part of. I am grateful for a supportive husband. I am grateful for the presence of God and His nearness to me. Because of all of these things, I am resolved to fix my eyes on Jesus, who is the founder and perfecter of my faith (Hebrews 12).
If you have experienced something like this, please know that the Lord is near and wants to help you through it. Keep your confidence in Jesus. He knows our heartaches, and He cares for you and me. Jesus told His disciples that it was good for Him to go to the Father so the Helper could come (John 16:7). Humble yourself before the Lord and He is faithful to care for you. Allowing others in your church community to care for you in your grief is a work of the Lord also.
Thank you, Holy Spirit, for your nearness to us. Help us recall the true things you say about who we are as your beloved children. Holy Spirit help us walk out our faith in the peace and joy that you give to us. Please comfort those that need a fresh wind from you today. Amen.
The older I get, the more I realize the importance of strong friendships. I’ve tried to reconnect with old friends over the past years, Christian and non-Christian. Most of them have not been interested in resuming. I learned an important lesson. Friendships have to be maintained. And no matter how much we want a friendship, it can’t be unless both parties want it. Your case was different, of course, because you made the effort. Thanks for sharing this moving story, Halie.
Hi Halie, as I read your story I kept thinking of – Do not put your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation.” – Psalm 146:3. Basically saying humans are liable to fail us because of the weaknesses inherent in us as vessels of clay.
And most likely too the season of her participation in your life was over. Hard as it may be for you it’s helpful to remember the good times you both shared, thank God for those, release her to God for her next ‘assignment’ and believe God that He has you in His palms for more.
There is always a reason for whatever we face in life, in His time He may show you but meanwhile trust Him that He can never fail you and He knows how you feel even as you feel her absence. Only His love can never fail.