Ever since I became capable of going onto the internet, I have had a problem that the majority of the world’s men face: pornography. I was introduced to the concept when I was 6 years old by a “friend” (although I cannot say where he is now). His father kept about 20 VHS tapes in a cardboard box under his bed, and once, when I spent the night, he pulled them out and showed them to me. At first, I was repulsed. This is disgusting! I thought.
But as I watched more, a change came over me. I began to enjoy it. It makes me ashamed to think on it. After that, I put it out of my mind…at least, for the time being. Then, about 7 years later, I got a computer as a gift. This computer was Internet capable.
Back then, I didn’t know how to use it for an evil purpose. I mainly used it to do research for school. But in the summer of 1997, when my cousin came to visit, he showed me how to use it for more nefarious purposes. Ever since then, I have become an addict to pornography. I have tried to rid myself of it, with limited success. When I went into the Navy, it became worse.
I spent 2 years in Sicily, and 4 months in Okinawa. In both places, when pornography wasn’t enough… and it is really hard for me to write this…I would rent a car or go out into town and pay for sex. I feel so dirty telling people this, but maybe I can feel lighter when I get this off my chest. I spent a lot of money in both countries for sex.
Of course, I used protection, but that’s no excuse. I should not have done it in the first place. When I got out of the Navy in 2006, I went back home to Alabama. But I still had a problem with it.
To make matters worse, I heard about a few places in the neighboring city of Huntsville where I could go buy sex again… and I did. At least 20 to 30 times before I finally just said
It was a huge drain on many things in my life, but the three biggest drains were on my gas, on my wallet, and on my spirit.
I was saved in October of 2000, but I want to be even closer to God and Jesus. I want to leave that life behind me for good. I want to walk daily with the Father and Son and live a pure life again. I know that the struggle will never end until the day I die, but at least I can put up a dang good fight!
Galatians 5:16 — This I say then, walk in the spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. (KJV)