Hello There, my first post is here :)
It’s a long post but I do hope this slight part of my life can be blessing to you whoever searching for God, Jesus presence in your life :)
Being in my early twenties, I’m sure all of you are, already or will be experiencing the same thing as me. Questioning about future and life. For the past two years after college graduation, my life changes till the point I lose myself. I was this kind ambitious person who strive my best to reach my dream. Not just in the term of career but also relationship. Everything has to be under my control , be like what i wanted to be in my own standard of perfection and so far it happened that way.
But there’s time that reality hit me that I cant’ achieve my dream job ( although i was always be this best student with awards and effort) plus, I just cut relationship, betrayed with a man (my ex) whom I thought gonna spend life with. In was the most depressing stage of my life.I was letting myself drown in sadness and too focused over failed past ended with I was hating my life, myself so bad and most important God’s presence in my life. Sure I still did all those normal Christian rituals like churching, having daily bread, but I really feel empty inside.
But the truth is, God is always there, looking for me, always and never let me out of His ‘radar.’
So here’s the story where it all begin that, God even can use thing called pain and sickness so that I can be back and found by Him…
In Early April 2016 God started to knock my soul.I remember one night I got this verse on my daily bread..
13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people” -Ephesians 6 : 10-18
I read it but I didn’t let it grow within my heart and soul
But There goes the second alarm from God… One night I had a nightmare that is too real. In my dream, I was walking home from church with my sisters and see evil in front of me. I don’t clearly see him but he I covered by dark ,misty around him. He stared at me and smirk like evil and i know once he got me, he will rape, and kill me right away so i run instead, Turn out he’s only chase after me and not my sisters! I asked him “why do you chase me?!” He said that it’s all because I’m the weakest! I run till I entered church and be safe inside. I peek over the window that he’s left because his attempt to chase after me failed yet he got back to his car ,full of legion and driving around the town to find another victims.
I was not fully aware of His word till the Third Alarm from God happen… One night around twelve midnight. Our house doorbell rang twice but there was no one outside. I don’t know that God even can use doorbells to grab my attention to seriously pray and seek His presence with all of my heart soul and mind that night. However I wasn’t aware of it.
Yet it’s too late.. on Sunday morning, I felt sick, nauseated and resulting me in high fever for one week. Doctor said that I might got typhus and have to be taken care at hospital but the other doctor said it’s not a common typhus because i got a heavy cough by night and hardly can breath, he then recommend me go for lung X Ray scanning. I was hoping my X Ray result would be good but things is different…
The X Ray scans that day totally bring my self down. And it’s just the start that later did I know the result stated that I got a chronic pneumonia disease.Clearly, it’s a disease with a possible death risk because in my case the virus already stay for long period of time causing shortness of breath. So I was advised to be taken care at hospital it would take more than 2 weeks with particular treatment which also costs a lot.
At 2 am,i can’t sleep while coughing so hard ,thinking What if. Suddenly I no longer alive. Nobody can really guarantee my life. Family can only support me, doctor can only advised me but what if God takes my breath at this moment, Have I honor God enough with my life? I cried to Him that I was so wrong to say that I hate this temple of God(myself) and not clearly see His grace upon my life in everyday rather treating my own happiness and dream as my ‘GOD’ .For the first time in my life I ask I want to be found by Him for real..I want to pursue the real happiness that is to be in His presence and not my own possession.
Strange things happen, I suddenly felt so relieved after and feel burning all over my body resulting me in sweating even in cold room with air conditioner! I felt so sleepy too, resulting me sleep. Directly after.
The day after, we decided to seek for Professor to check up about my disease…I still remember that day, My family who accompany me were all cried in tears especially my Dad. They must have worried so much about me. That time i realized too ,that I’m such blessed having family that love me that much yet never really appreciate their love toward me. I was such a prodigal child..:(
When it was my time to enter the professor room, I feel no worries at all but instead my faith is growing. I believe God will never forsake me. and YES. HE IS! The professor told me that I don’t need to worry no more ,he give me a prescription with only 3 kind of medicines and told me that I even don’t opnamed at hospital and can go back home day after.
A few days after resting at home, it’s time to check for the final X RAY check, I was shocked see the result that My PNEUMONIA DISEASE is GONE ! MY LUNG IS TOTALLY CLEAR FOR ANY DISEASE AND IT’S HEALTHY !
GOD PROVED TO ME THAT HE HEARS MY CRY EVEN BETTER. HE HAS DEFEATED MY ILLNESS!
LEFT-previous x ray photos of my lung with pneumonia disease – RIGHT : clear lung within few days
JESUS proves to ME, that HE IS ABLE and SURELY ALIVE. HE HEALS ME INSTANTLY just when I seek HIM enormously. HE FOUND ME once again and give me second chance to repent, to seek Him eagerly for the rest of my life!
Now as I’m writing this, I’m very grateful that I finally see and not be blinded again that I’m veryyy loved by Him,HE once who died for me then risen will never forsake me. I just have to be REST in Him and put all my life control in Him.After all, every breath that I take, every moment I awake is all grace by none other name than Jesus Christ .
“He will call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
And let him see My salvation.”
– Psalm 91 :15-16
If Jesus can heal me and found me in my distress ,He also willing to help you. All you need to do is just open Your heart, invite Him in Your life and be Safe in His Presence.
Would you too, accept His everlasting love and be found by Him?
Ps : I also read this book by Pastor Francis Frangipane, I will be found by You and this truly help me reconnecting my life with Jesus :)
May This testimony of mine can strengthen your faith in Jesus and bless you in any aspect of your life. Jesus bless You!