I am so scared and in need of help. I am 23 years old, and I have a beautiful 5-year-old daughter who is my world. I am currently in a long-term relationship and feel like I’m suffocating more and more every day. The relationship started off rocky when we first met, he was great I felt so incredibly happy that I found someone that made me laugh and smile and made me feel loved. I treated him with so much love. he did not have a car. I dropped him off and picked him up from work, took him lunch and coffee every day, got him out of probation, and paid some of his bills when he couldn’t. He needed so much love and affection and he appreciated everything I did for him.
He started spending time with my daughter. Then he started talking to his ex-girlfriend behind my back. He slept with her and me in the same week. I was devastated he ended up telling me he was confused, and he still loved her and was gonna give her another chance. My heart shattered I felt like a fool but decided I would just let him go after all we only dated for a month, I cut off all bases with him.
After about a week I received a text from him apologizing for a huge mistake he told me he realized it was me he wanted to be with and he would do whatever it tool to make things right with me, so I forgave him but I never forgot and we began our journey together he became so wonderful I moved in with him and he took care of me like a princess I felt everything was going to be just fine and it was for about a year .
We began arguing more and more he would do things like be on porn sites and create accounts to find women all of this brought fear and distrust in him, I have forgiven him and tried to leave things in the past but any odd behavior from him scares me. We have now been together for 3 years and I am at a breaking point. Arguments have been bad, and he blames me for a lot in the relationship.
I apologize constantly for things he does sometimes I get these panic attacks and anxiety when he talks about leaving me. I feel as if I want to die. I feel like I’m being attacked by the devil. I have thoughts about suicide in so many different ways. I try so hard to come to God and beg him for mercy and help because I know I cannot so this on my own. I have become depressed.
I feel alone as if no one loves me. He is not affectionate he doesn’t comfort me and acts like he really does not care anymore. I don’t know what to do. I’m losing myself. Me and my daughter love him so much and I wanna be happy with him, but I just don’t know how to deal with this anymore. I’m so scared. I know that I have my own issues and I’m not perfect, but I feel his soul disconnecting from mine he is mean to me sometimes please pray for me.
I feel the devil has me wrapped around and keeps attacking me every chance he gets. If I start feeling happy it goes away fast. I can hear him in my head telling me the ugliest things about myself, telling me it is all my fault. I need to be ok. For me for my daughter. I feel I need to really give it my all in this relationship, but it’s come to the point where I can’t feel God by my side, I don’t hear him talking to me. What can I do? How can I make this pain go away?