Three years ago, I was an atheist. I was also suicidal and angry at the world. I had my goodbye letter written out and I stashed the letter and slept in my bed for what was supposed to be the last time.
That night, I had a dream. I saw no faces, but heard this:
“I know you feel alone in the pain you feel, but every scar you bear, I bear it, too. You’re not alone in this.”
I didn’t start believing in God right then, and the dream didn’t “heal me”, but I didn’t kill myself the next day like I planned.
I started going to a youth group because my mother thought it would make me have fun, and I did. But, as an atheist, I felt like the pastor was telling fairytales.
I had this ongoing war within myself on whether or not I wanted to listen to what this preacher had to say, and one night in August 2009, I listened.
That night, the pastor was talking about apathy and anger. He said that we didn’t have to live in that. He told us that we didn’t have to let the things we go through determine how we feel about the rest of our lives.
That night, I prayed for the first time in 2 years.
I prayed that God would forgive me and that he would give me strength to change. I thanked God for loving me even when I was running from him.
Then I worshipped for the first time. I raised my hands and sang the lyrics to the song that the worship band was playing.
“The greatest love that anyone could ever know, that overcame the cross and grave to find my soul. And til I see you face to face and grace amazing takes me home, I’ll trust in you.”
After service was dismissed, I walked to my sister’s car and told her about my night.
“Michelle, I felt God tonight. I’ve changed.”
She told me she was happy for me, and said she’d love to hear the details. So, I told her everything. She was the first person I ever witnessed to.
I let go of everything that night. All my fear, all my anger, all my uncertainty. Everything negative I had put in my life was stripped away from me, and for the first time in a year, I was happy.
I can’t say that I don’t ever feel sad or just separated, but I can say that it’s different, because I have faith that God will pull me through.
2 Timothy 4:6
“But as for me, my life has already been poured out for the spirit.”
GOD BLESS YOUR SOUL!! i love reading stories such as yours! NOTHING is impossible for God 🙂
Thank you. God bless you. (=
Hey man(or woman), When I read your testimony, it made me cry tears of joy, and thank God for you all in the same sentence. Praise God! I’ll pray for you brother(or sister)
Thank you for the prayers. I pray for you, too.
I hope you have an awesome weekend! (=
God is for us,who can be against us = Nobody.
If you don’t live the life of Action then you will miss what belongs to you Or Your inheritance.
I am a living testimony because God has changed my morning into dancing!!
I think, in a way, everyone is a walking testimony. The fact we’re alive, means God made us. (=
Thank you for your wonderful testimony!! Please pray for a friend of ours, who is supposedly an atheist. He is going through a really bad time and we are praying that God, through His Spirit, draws our friend into His Mercy, Forgiveness and Grace.
I will definitely be praying. God has a way of revealing himself when the time is right.
God Bless You.
I’m where you were. I was a Christian for a decade and then through questioning what I believed became an atheist. I was fine at first till it really sank in that life was pretty much futile without God. Even if you have great purpose in whatever you do, if Jesus isnt in it there is always something missing. Some people might call me a “pissed off theist” but I dont care. I know all of the atheist arguments against religion and they seemed reasonable, but they completely stepped away from having any purpose in life. Atheism is a non-position. Its nothing. It says nothing it is nothing and comments on nothing. It strips away peoples belief in God and leaves them there. I know of a few really wonderful atheists, but so many of them are just mean people. I was becoming mean along with them.
I got to the point where I was starting to feel suicidal. Not to the point of where I considered it, but I had suicidal thoughts. TOTALLY foreign to me before. I’m glad you escaped. Stay strong in the Lord.
I get that. I was mean, too. I’m STILL apologizing to people for the things I said and did.
Stay strong, brother. ♥
Stay strong in Lord dear brother.
I will pray for you.
Be blessed in Christ. Great living testimony. God works in miraculous ways.
I loved your testimony I will keep you in prayer god bless.
I haven’t been on here in a while. Thank you all for the wonderful comments!
Anonymous:
After reading your comment again, I started chewing over your words.
Atheists aren’t always mean people, but it’s a relationship with the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE that matters. At first, it’s going to be difficult and praying may feel kind of like you’re talking to your self. What I did, I would close my eyes and imagine that Jesus was literally right in front of me. It helps a lot. But still, whether you’re face to face or not, Jesus is still listening. He hears you and loves you more than any person on Earth could ever love you. He desires a relationship with you. Don’t give up on God. He would never give up on you.
God Bless all of you!
i am so happy for such stories because they cause me to believe God the more
i promise to come back for more
my God bless you greatly
May you know Christ; learn from him in the Scriptures, and learning from Him, obeying Him. God bless you!