Well here it goes…
Here in NZ I grew up surrounded by the NZ gang life, was with a gang member, I was adopted at 3 months old, never knew my biological mother until I was 12, never knew my biological father only up until the last few months, step brother molested me, sex without my consent (raped), neighbors son molested me often, slept with presidents of a gang just to keep my family safe at the age of 12, went missing for months since the age of 12, felt rejection like it was normal, been homeless, been a prostitute.
I was a severe meth addict, thief, alcoholic, did drugs, stole cars off wealthy men, teen parent 16, violent relationships with men, drug dealer, slept with whoever I wanted, hated men, couldn’t trust women, parents disowned me, lost my two children at the time for there safety, witness to murder, 25 criminal convictions, sentenced to jail of 3 yrs for assaults and intent to kill charges. You name it.
I been there done that, not at all was I ever proud of what I did but reality was I couldn’t stop because I had anger consuming me everyday since I was a child. Everybody knew Kandis Taylor that chick with a badazz name, I done a lot of wrong things to people and didn’t care. I was angry, full of anger and meth became my best friend and I rocked it hard. I was keen to fight even kill.
But no one knew my broken heart buried underneath it all. Until 2009. I was in my sitting room with every material thing a woman could want, but I had never had Love. I finally thought to myself how deeply unhappy I really was, I looked back into my life to that current situation as I was going to jail for criminal activities and I was overwhelmed like a flood of pain hurt you name it.
My life was dead and all I could see was darkness in and out of my life, no one cared. No real mates, only friends who were keen to get up to mischief. I had enough of that, Anger was growing as I kept looking back into my life… I was so angry, until this level of anger literally Broke me in half and all I could do was cry.
This cry was deep, like as if someone close to me had died, I couldn’t stop. It was like a flood of YEARS of tears, also thinking where is this coming from. Hours went by and I was still crying… Then it was that day as I watched my life play out before me and I had nothing left like a empty river dam…
Then I finally said it out.
God are you real?
(Minutes later crying)
If you are there?
If you give me my parents back,
If you give me my children back,
and you give me a real man of God,
(minutes later sighs & tears flooding)
I will follow you.
Immediately! Jesus came to me and he said to me. You are here (as he pointed at a blue strip in the clouds) on the left side of the blue strip was a very dark grey cloud and on the right side of the blue strip was a Bright pure white cloud.
He then said to me clearly…
You need to choose NOW!
The fear of the Lord consumed me. Flooded with my tears I watched my life roll through like a movie in fast forward. 3 hours went by that seemed like 5 minutes. I looked at Jesus as he waited there, knowing it was my creator in front of me I had to be truthful in what I say next, cos he knows the truth… and then I finally looked up to Jesus, lifted my hand up never felt so empty or truthful in my life and said to him:
“I choose you!”
I could then see the Holy Spirit surrounding me like a pure love silky blanket. I felt like I was floating and he returned to the sky, and as he went back into the heavens, an angel appeared who was sitting on a cloud his head was the head of a knight helmet and I heard him say to me.
“Its good to have you Back! FINALLY!”
I cried like I was at the death of my own body, I was alone it was just me and my pitbull dog who I still have today. After that happened I sat there thinking what just happened… I just saw Jesus the Son of God come down out of the sky and wipe my tears away for real!
Immediately I had no urge. Nothing. To smoke any drugs, drink any alcohol NOTHING! It was Gone!
The next day I spoke to a friend and shared I had an Aunty who I met when I was 11 years old and she really loved God and had a vision from Jesus for me I never forgot it. As a kid I knew she was a special woman, when I met her that was the last time I saw her. And I couldn’t stop thinking about her, had no idea where she was.
That following week , I was being sentenced to 3 years imprisonment for 25 convictions. and I said to myself if I was given one wish before I went to jail it would be to see my Aunty who I hadn’t seen since I was 11 years old just to say hi and give her a big hug.
The week before my sentencing, I had to go to court and appear before the judge to have my last added criminal conviction declared. So I went and while I’m sitting in this courthouse which was packed up and loud, I heard a squeak that caught my attention. I stood up and decided to look down the hallway where it came from and there was my Aunty just right there! In her wheelchair, and she looked up and saw me standing there in amazement.
She cried and so did I 🙁
She asked me what am I doing here I told her just the norm. She was in the middle of going to a meeting so she said to me to call her and don’t forget. Big kiss and Hug and then she left.
I didn’t try take her number or anything, because in my eyes she was to precious to me to have her be burdened with Me and my troubles. I was so happy I went into the dock with a smile on my face looking all cheeky ha! cos my wish came true. #ReallyItWasGod
I went home and the next night my uncle turns up and he says that I move to Australia when I get out of jail i said yip cool! Then before he left, he gave me this piece of paper and said it was from my dad. Went back inside, and opened it and it was My Aunties!! Phone number saying urgent to call her … So I did!
Funny thing was my uncle didn’t know what the paper was. I rang her and we talked, and she declared to me that God had been pushing for those last 3 weeks for her to go find my Candy. #MyFamilyName
I broke down crying. Anyway told her I was going to jail etc that Monday and she insisted she would come but I really didn’t want her to come to such a negative place. But she came.
I stood in the dock to be sentenced to jail and before the judge did so, he was handed a paper from my lawyer and immediately without any explanation, the judge said,
I was confused to what was going on. I went down into the cells, waited a hour, got bail and as I’m signing my bail papers the lady says “Oh must be nice to move to Tauranga.” I looked at her confused thinking HUH what are you talking about, and she said, “you’re moving to Tauranga.”
I walked outside, and there was my Aunty in her beautiful wheelchair waiting for me to walk out of those jail cells. And she said:
You coming home with me <3
for this is the will of God <3
So I left everything just packed up my clothes and of course my pit bull and we left.
5th June 2009 God lifted me out of the darkness and moved me into light. Jesus did not delay with anything with me, I was baptized in water and the Holy Spirit 7th June 2009 and He was moving on me intensely. I was then taken to Faith Bible College which I had no idea of its existence and Jesus moved on the deputy principals there that I needed to be in that college. And So be it.
Well I’ll leave it here because I know it’s a lot to read but this is how my relationship with Jesus began. This is how and why. He is very real to me in my life.
Hope that’s not too long for you.
This was only but the beginning <3
Bless You all
Angel Taylor <3
Glory is God’s alone. He saved my life!