An “Emo”tional’s Testimony

Everyone’s testimony is pretty much the same, but all are unique in their own way. Everyone was lost, and now they are found. Here is my story.

I am currently 13 years old, and I truely came to God in March 2010, at a conference at my church. I thought I had come to God when I was about 7 years old, but I didn’t truely know what it meant. I was just repeating after someone and didn’t know the true meaning behind the words. My Dad tried to explain the decision I had made to me, but I still didn’t grasp the “Beautiful Exchange” that Jesus had done for me.

Before I came to Christ, I was in the worst relationship I could imagine, and it still hurts to think about it. There was a boy at my school whom I thought I was in love with, and I grew attached. But the thing is, he just used me as a sexual relief for himself. I kept telling myself that he loved me no matter what, and gave almost everything I had to him. I, in fact, was lucky that I didn’t lose my “physical” virginity, though I lost my “mental” one. My mind was going places it shouldn’t have. And then came the day, that he decided to leave me on the floor, beaten and broken, with nowhere to go. I had left my friends for him, and adopted his friends. I had been worshiping the boy I thought I was in love with; he was my idol. I had found out that he had been messing around with one of my old friends behind my back, which really opened my eyes. I left him, but I kept coming back, as I had told myself that he was my only way of comforting myself.

Then, he had enough of me. He didn’t talk to me, or glance at me, or anything. I tried to do everything I could to get his attention. I dressed in not-very-conservative clothing, and flirted as much as someone could flirt. But there was nothing I could do. He had moved on.

But I didn’t want to. I resorted to self-injury, to try and get his attention so he could realize how much I “loved” him. I showed him and I friends my scars, hoping they would notice that THEY were the reason I had done it, and so that they would feel sorry for me. I told myself that it was okay to cut myself, because the cuts were small, and that they would eventually heal and go away. I then realized I didn’t want them to heal, but either way, there was nothing I could do about it. I thought about God, and how he will always heal me, and I tried to stop. But there was nothing I could do. I was addicted, and I had fallen into a trap.

I was lucky that my parents had discovered what I had been doing, and discovered the scars on my ankles. They were more heartbroken than I thought. They were seeing their daughter throw her life away. The more that you cut, the closer you are to dying, and the weaker you become.

They tried to do everything they could to help me, but I didn’t want to stop. I liked the pain, I liked having something about me that was different, and having a dark secret that I wasn’t afraid to share. I needed attention, I needed love. They ended up finding me a counselor to talk to about this.

I came to God when I heard Bishop TD Jakes speak at my church. He is a very powerful speaker, and he opened my eyes to the world. I looked 2 seats over and saw my mom crying. I started crying, because I knew she was crying for me. She didn’t want to see me dead and gone away from her. I started crying my eyes out. I didn’t want to leave her, I didn’t want to leave my friends, my family. I was embraced by those around me, and the woman in front of me whispered in my ear, “You are loved.”

Those words spoke to me, and I knew they were true. A light ignited in me, and it is still shining. And my life has changed since. I have adopted my old friends, which are strong in God and had been praying for me during that time. I’ve grown closer in God and though i am not perfect, I try to make an effort every day. The spiritual candle inside of me had been lit, and it is still shining.

I want to spread that fire, I want to have a contagious flame, that everyone wants. I want people to notice that I am different. I am trying to treat people with respect, because you never know what struggles they are going through at home. God has given me a gift- the gift of compassion, and seeing that people are hurting out there, and that I can help make a difference by bringing them to God. Though I still had a few struggles after coming to Christ, through counseling and going to church camp, I grew closer to God and developed ways to relieve the tension inside of me. I am truly lucky, and my eyes have been opened to the truth– That I am loved by God, no matter what.

I was lost, and now, I am found.

9 Comments

  1. Daniela 12/14/2010
  2. josef 12/15/2010
  3. vicjc 12/22/2010
  4. AsianJesusLover 1/6/2011
  5. Danielle 1/21/2011
  6. Amber Keys 5/9/2011
  7. Julian 8/19/2011
  8. Brendan P. Burnett 9/24/2011
  9. Tiffany 12/19/2011

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