As children we think life is so hard, but it isn’t until adulthood that we find out that the things of life get much harder. My name is Jennifer Zornes, I go by “Jenny” to most people, though. I was raised in a little place called Greenup, Ky. I had the most wonderful parents in the world, at least I think so anyway. Nothing could prepare me for what was to happen in my life.
All throughout my childhood my parents took me and my three older sisters to church every Sunday like clockwork. It never failed I would wake up early Sunday morning to the smell of biscuits and gravy. I would then have to go through the morning routine of bathing and getting dressed. At 9 o’clock it was out the door and off to the church.
I believed in God and everything that the Bible said or at least the ten commandments. I had listened to the preacher, most of the time. When I started getting a little older my dad started telling me that I needed to be saved, but I thought I go to church and I do what I’m told, so what else was I supposed to do.
My dad explained to me that I had to ask God into my heart and ask for forgiveness for everything in my life. I was scared out of my mind, but I did it. From that point on no matter what I did I thought that I was still saved. However, I had been hiding a secret. One that would change my life forever.
I was a lesbian.
When I was 15 years old, I told my mother and father that I was homosexual. Oh my, the reaction I got. My parents were heartbroken. Understand I would never do anything to make my parents upset with me. I loved them both so much. They had supported me in everything, but this was different.
They, then, told me that homosexuality was a sin. I hadn’t been told that before. Things like that was never talked about. I was so confused and started to realize no matter how much church I had went to, it didn’t matter I wasn’t going to heaven. I went on with my lifestyle anyway.
I spent the next few years partying and doing things I had never done before. But as I got older, I felt that there was just something missing. I had no idea what it could be. I was in and out of relationships, thinking that maybe I just hadn’t found the right person. But I soon found out that wasn’t the problem.
I had just come out of a horrible relationship, so I decided to move in with my sister. I started going back to church and went back to the altar. That desire was still there though. Then, I got with my sister’s best friend. I had been in love with her since I was a child.
During this I was still attending church and trying to hide my sexuality. Satan had a tight grip on me, and he wasn’t letting me go. I started to get another feeling that I had tried my whole life to ignore, I was supposed to be a man. So, I throw myself one step closer to the pits of Hell and go to an endocrinologist to start testosterone shots to alter my sex. During this I was still saved or so I thought.
A few weeks later my girlfriend, at the time, wanted me to go to her sister’s church with her. So, I did, thinking that I would go in and come out feeling the same way that I had always felt. When I walked into that church, I felt the presence of God. The people were so friendly. You could just see that all of these people were filled with Gods love. I felt like I could be myself around all of them. So I made that church my new home.
A few weeks later revival started. I felt God knocking at my heart in a way I had never felt before. I went up to that altar and that’s when I turned everything over to God. When I went back to my seat the pastor asked if anyone had a testimony, I stood up not knowing what I was going to say. I opened my mouth and said,
“I have been going to a doctor to change my gender, but I am not going to go through with it anymore.”
I thought what did I just say that was not what I wanted, but I thought if it was God that wanted me to say that I would just see what he had in store for me.
My ex-girlfriend and I decided that we could not be together any more sexually. We continued to live together, but as far as physical relationship there was none. We knew that a sexual or lustful relationship would not be pleasing to God. When I gave it all over to God that’s when it happened. God called me out. He put a calling on my heart so strong I couldn’t push it away. He was wanting me to minister to others. The fear was intense, but I knew that if anyone could bring me through it, it was him. I kept praying that God give me a sign to let me know that is what he really wants from me. On one Wednesday, while at a bible study, they were talking about the fact that when God calls you to minister that’s what you need to do. I felt a relief come across me. That was my conformation.
A few months ago, the pastor and his wife asked me if I would give my testimony at a Womens Ministry that we were having at the church. I told them that I felt God calling me to minister to others. It was like God was using this testimony to start off my ministry. I was so nervous, but I got up and gave my testimony. I looked around and almost every woman in the building was crying. It made me feel like my testimony was touching people.
Even though the things that mislead my life may not be what has a hold on someone others life, I still must let people know that the love of God can fix anything. By your testimony you will be known. God can help you overcome anything. A relationship with Jesus Christ is much more important than anything in this life.