This is a testimony of God’s goodness and mercy, but of another kind. Below I will explain how I still feel His acceptance despite my failures. God does test us to basically show us our inner selves and not to condemn us. I can say I have failed most of my tests, but I still feel and see His love, for nothing can separate us from the love of God.
Now over the years I have noticed that in diverse places, random people come to ask me for money. It upsets me because most times I don’t have to give or have very little and they’re already earmarked for tight personal or family needs. So, most times I don’t treat them with respect, I look at my inadequacy and get upset. It has taken years for the Holy Spirit to convict me to respond with a kind word when I’m unable to give or to give even when it’s tight for me. Still most times I fail at both!
This story below illustrates very well how I fail my tests.
About three months ago, at a height of dire financial dryness I managed to borrow about 4 dollars from my daughter from her transportation money because there was nothing to eat that evening and we had eaten very little all day. I gave her 2 dollars to go buy some condiments while I proceeded with the remaining 2 dollars for bread. On my way walking back, it was now dark and at the last turn to my house, a young boy of about 12 years approached me crying. He managed to tell me he was hungry, hadn’t eaten all day and wanted to eat bread! I straight away told him I didn’t have any money to give him and apologized to him.
As I walked away after some minutes, I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to me “Why didn’t you cut the bread for him?”. I stopped turned back and he was no longer in sight. Now I could have run down the street to look for him, but the weight of my guilt transfixed me. I knew I had failed a test. Imagine, he did not ask me for money, of course I had no money. He only asked me for bread which I was holding a big one in the shopping bag in my left hand! He couldn’t have seen the bread and of all the people passing by he came to me! Yet, I was too dull and full of my own problems to share with him the bread I had! To this day I feel bad over my selfishness. I repented to God for failing to show love and now I try daily to become more determined to always have “situational awareness” to be a Christian, a living witness always on standby for duty calls. Because one could never tell when God would call one to act for Him.
I wrote this “testimony” to encourage some of us who have failed in one way or another not to drown in our mistakes but to recognize our weaknesses, repent of them and be more determined to live for God. In my case I noticed that I must look outside my circumstances and speak or act from the Truth of God’s words. Sometimes I even fail to tell my friends the truth because I don’t want to hurt them. I must overcome my cowardice and aim to please only God.
A lot of people have compromised or are actively compromising because that’s in the popular culture of deceit and error so I must be courageous to be a true witness. I must keep asking for power to live as one.
I am still on this journey, and I ask you all for your prayers.
Godwin, I thank you for this honest and introspective lesson. After our failures, we repent, get up and move on in our lives as Christ’s disciples. He changes us and we grow.
Thank you Emory. Yes I surely felt some growth after this episode- I learned some lessons. It also showed me that even in the valley God is aware of me even if He doesn’t intervene in the way I expected.
I am blessed by your testimony. I will henceforth try to help people who are in storms am in one myself. I have finally viewed the widow story from a different point. I also struggle to tell people the truth as I don’t want to hurt them.
I used to be a people pleaser as God is still working on that in my life and I take things personal, and blame myself even if is not my fault.
Thank you Innocent. I’m happy it blessed you.
May God give us courage to live for Him always.
The following has always been a help for me to do the right, and compassionate thing-“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’” (Matt. 25:35-40)
Godwin, thanks for sharing this. I had a similar situation one time. A stranger came up to me and asked me for money to buy food. I gave him $3, but I could have given him more. Then I drove to the grocery and when I got out of my truck, down on the ground was a coupon to get $3 off my purchases at that store. Then God convicted me. What if I had given the stranger more, would the coupon be the same amount? Luke 6:38 came to mind, “For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”
I agree with you Tom. I m learning to have like I said situational awareness of being a Christian on duty 24/7.
Thanks David, this touched me deeply because to this day I still wonder what could have happened after if I had been awake to the boy’s request and granted it like it was in my power to do, or even ran back to find him when the HS confronted me. A friend I shared this with later told me that most likely there was a blessing attached to that incident but I missed it.
Thank you for sharing your heart brother. I can relate in many ways and it has been a heavy weight on me because of not stepping into what I know I am called too . I needed to hear your words. Blessings to you increasingly in Jesus , in protection, in provision and in His peace that passes all understanding. My first name is Christopher and my last name is Godwin, proudly . Godwin means virtue , something that I often fail at but His Virtue in and through me is ever increasing, thank you Jesus our Lord and Savior. Blessings to you my brother.
Thank you Christopher Godwin. I’m glad my failures encouraged you. Glad also that we share this name. God wins always. All ways.