A woman experiencing indescribable joy, raising hands in field.

My Journey and Deliverance of a 22-year Meth Addiction

I would like to share my journey and deliverance of a 22-year meth addiction. An addiction that has shaped me into the person I am becoming today. I was trapped in a cycle of chaos, pain, and selfishness. My meth addiction became my escape, my crutch and ultimately my prison.

My story is different than most for I didn’t have a bad childhood as a matter of fact I had the complete opposite. I have a mom and dad who have always been present, loving and very disciplined. As an evangelist/preacher’s daughter I was raised in church, surrounded by love, faith, and strong values. My childhood was filled with teachings about gods grace and the importance
of good choices. Yet despite the nurturing environment, I found myself a victim of my own horrible choices and rebellion, which led to the start of my addiction.

Proverbs 22:6 says train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.

At just 19 years old I was married and pregnant with my first child giving birth to my first daughter exact to the day a year after I graduated high school.
16 months later giving birth to another baby girl, and by 2010 I was the mother of five kiddos. I went from being divorced and back into a 5-6 year relationship with another lifelong addict, who was extremely physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive. To finding a man who stepped up and
stood by me through every up and down, my husband Rob, he’s stood by me when I was at my lowest, when I was angry, lost and consumed by my addiction. He stayed when he didn’t have to and stepped up to the plate that another man left at the table. He became the one constant in my life at that time.

It all began innocently enough. At first, I was searching for a way to cope with the pressures of life, then meth became a way to stay numb to the complete mess I had gotten my life into. Meth seemed to provide a temporary solution. At first it seemed like a superpower, I had energy, a sense of fake confidence and a sense of euphoria that I had never experienced before, but that
initial high was nothing but deceiving. What I thought was an escape quickly spiraled into a nightmare. I lost my kids, strained every single relationship I had, and completely neglected my kids, my family, and myself. I quickly became a shell of the person I once was. There were years that went by that when I looked in the mirror, I couldn’t even recognize the person staring back at me. I was consumed by cravings, lies, and the need to do nothing but feed my addiction. I was utterly alone and spent years upon years surrounded by so many people who were just as lost and broken as I was.

2 Peter 2:19 (NLT) They promise freedom but they themselves are slaves to sin and corruption.
For you are a slave to whatever controls you.

My life had become a cycle of fleeting highs followed by devastating lows. The last 10yrs of my addiction I thought i was in control, for I wasn’t in any trouble and I was back into my kids life, but the truth was it had complete control over me. As i sat in my house day after day surrounded by the remnants of my life, so much self-hatred, guilt, paraphernalia, and a silence that echoed my
internal souls desire. I had lost everything, and what I did gain back was slowly slipping away.

A small list of a few things that had happen during my 22 years of addiction:

1) I was in and out of jail
2)I was in and out of inpatient rehab facilities
3) On and off of probation
4) Actively practicing witchcraft
5) years battlining DCFS
6) Out of control behavior such as exotic dancing, raves, bar tending, getting involved with biker groups and members of certain gangs, and picking up deliveries for above said groups and using with them too.
7) Having multiple county court cases
8) Felony charges for possession
9) Attempted suicide
10) multiple broken bones from domestic abuse
11) gambling addiction which completely broke my family. OVER 80,000 dollars in less than a year
12) Life threatening health issue that dealt with my heart

Isaiah 1:5 NLT

Why do you continue to invite punishment, must you rebel forever? Your head is injured your heart is sick.

The last 2-3 years I had begged my husband to take me somewhere for a week away from my normal so I could withdrawal, I felt like I would have a fighting chance if i could get away. I can’t tell you how many times I dropped to my knees screaming for God to take me or take this desire and addiction, but nothing changed. That is when I felt my core and inner being starting to
change for I had finally hit my rock bottom.

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you, that is not common to man. God is faithful and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability but with temptation he will also provide the way of escape that you may be able to endure it.

For over two decades Satan had attacked and attacked me but hadn’t been able to break my spirit, my core value. This summer July 2024 God stepped in and said enough is enough. My parents wanted to take my husband, son and I on vacation before school started this year. With No intensions of actually following through with staying sober I gathered up everything that had
to do with my addiction and got rid of it. We then took off to Branson, MO for the week. God definitely had me in his hands when it came to withdrawing, I took a 4-hour nap and threw up once!

Anyone who knows anything about meth withdrawals will know just how minimum those withdrawals were especially someone who used large amounts everyday all day long for years.

Returning home was way harder than I realised it would be. For when I was home for a few hours I was overwhelmed. I told my husband to get me out of our house I didn’t care where we went but I couldn’t be in our home any longer! We ended up at a local church where I rededicated my life to the Lord and was baptized!

1 Peter 5:10

In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So, after you have suffered a little while he will RESTORE, SUPPORT, and STRENGTHEN you and place you on a FIRM FOUNDATION!

At 42 years old and a childhood full of GOD, I finally felt freedom. I started understanding and knowing what a personal relationship with GOD was like. I began to realize how God had been working through my addiction, even when I couldn’t see it. In the midst of my darkest moments, looking back now I can see the signs of his presence guiding me towards this very moment. The stirring of something greater than myself. God was using everyone around me then and now to prepare me for the greater things he has instore for me.

Do you want to talk about grace? The truly amazing concept of God’s grace. God loves each one of us unconditionally regardless of our past choices or lifestyles. Addiction and past mistakes don’t define us for it is only a chapter or a season of our lives. God was present the whole time, even in my brokenness, even in my pain, but he also knew the exact time I could no longer go on without him.

I can’t express enough that the path from the altar to the pits of hell and back again is filled with challenges and for some of us those challenges are life altering. But it’s also paved with grace. We are called to extend that grace not only to ourselves but to others.

As I reflect on my testimony and those of others let us be reminded of our responsibilities to love and support those who are struggling. Are there people in our lives who have wondered from God and struggle with their faith? We must reach out to them and speak words of encouragement and remind them that they are not alone. In James 5:19-20 We are urged:

My brothers if anyone among you wonders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wondering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.

Let us be the hands and feet of Jesus showing unconditional love, compassion and understanding. I encourage each of you to reflect on your own journeys, whether you are in a season of healing or a season of struggle, remember that the god who calls you is faithful. He will not abandon you in your pain, rather he walks with you through the fire hand in hand leading you on through!

2 Comments

  1. Godwin 12/21/2024
  2. Billy 12/21/2024

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